Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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