so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
