just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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