it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
