so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
