I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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