Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
