my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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