She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
