Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
