just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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