She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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