I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
