God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
