I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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