he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
