That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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