So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
