I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
