You're my little dorito
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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