I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
