If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
