38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
