You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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