just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
mondays should just be called national damage control day
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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