No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
