in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
