Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
