come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Rumble strips road head = magical
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
