I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
