I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize