I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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