so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I stole a fireplace last night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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