so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
