now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm way too hungover for life right now
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
