The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
