If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
