How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
