Your mouth is God's brothel.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
