i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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