so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
