Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i am craving dick and cupcakes
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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