Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
