So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
