So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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