just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
