I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You took a bar mat shot.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My penis needs a shock collar
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
