After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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