He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
is wine microwaveable?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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