Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
