Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
