It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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