there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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