Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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