I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
