Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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