Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
