If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
