Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize