Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
