At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
