i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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