Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
