I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize