kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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