Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
tell me about the eggs
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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