Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
