8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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