He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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