dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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