you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You're like the curious george of whores
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize