Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
