Someone shit on the floor
I'm passing your future prison.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
