Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
