Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
