he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
