Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
