It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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