Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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