I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
