I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
