dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
