You don't have asthma, your pregnant
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
