it hurts more in the daytime
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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